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Dear Fellow Traveler,

I know not everyone is like me and has a emergency travel bag with toiletries, clean undies, a book, a brush and a t-shirt on standby at all times. I know not every one is like me and restocks their toiletry bag upon returning from a trip so I can make a quick dash to the airport when needed.

I get that.


Can I give you these few tips?
– Please don’t wear a belt when going to the airport. You WILL need to take it off during security check! And besides… uncomfortable on the plane!
– Ladies, I know you want to look sexy for your honey when you land, but please don’t wear knee high boots that take you five minutes to wrestle off. You WILL need to take them off during security check! And besides… you look like your feet are killing you as you hike the 2 miles to your gate.
– Pack responsibly. Having 5 suitcases that you need to repack at the airport because they all are over the weight limit seems a bit… excessive. Unless you are migrating. But even then… for what you are paying per bag for extra bag fees, you could have shipped the stuff directly to where you are heading.
– Get with the program. It’s OK to wait at baggage claim! If you are in such a rush on your travels that you don’t have time to get your bags there, then you also don’t need all the crap you are hauling with you. So… please pack in a way where you don’t need to have as your CARRY-ON luggage a laptop bag, a 15-inch case, AND a 21-inch rolling case. You are hogging all the overhead space. Plus, if you baggage check then all your little liquid bottles that take up space in your carry-on can be checked and make your (wait.. MY) wait time at the security check just a bit more tolerable.
– Don’t move into the airplane. Airplane seats are small. I get that you want to be comfortable, but bringing your own blanket, your own pillow, your 19-inch computer to watch  your own movies with, and your onion-garlic-jalapeno-roast beef sandwich… well… You just MAY be comfortable with less clutter at your seat.

Hope this helps you plan your airport experience :)

Your Grouchy “Why-are-the-lines-so-slow-at-4:45am” Fellow Traveler
(P.S. If you don’t know what the Ides of March refers to, then you don’t get to buy a plane ticket to Rome. Sorry. That’s just the way it is. And no – I am not talking about a George Clooney movie. Sigh.)